Beyond "No": How PDA and 'Phantom Demands' Create Invisible Work

Pervasive Drive for Autonomy (PDA) is a profile of autism often misunderstood as simple defiance. At its core, it is not a choice but a neurological, anxiety-driven need to be in control to feel safe. Any perceived loss of autonomy registers as a profound threat, activating a "fight, flight, or freeze" response.

However, the daily struggle of PDA is not just about direct commands like "clean your room." It is about the constant, exhausting pressure of "phantom demands."

A phantom demand is the unspoken, implicit pressure that radiates from the environment. It’s the full email inbox, the pile of laundry on the floor, or the dishes by the sink. For the PDA brain, these aren't just objects; they are tasks screaming for completion.

This extends to people, too. The mere presence of another person in the room—even a loved one—can be a demand. Your brain registers their existence as a task: "I must be ready to socialize," "I must mask," "I must perceive them."

This creates a massive, invisible cognitive load. While you may look like you're "doing nothing," your nervous system is fending off hundreds of tiny perceived demands. You are constantly on guard, spending energy to protect your autonomy. This is why you can feel completely exhausted just from sharing a space.

Understanding this reframes the experience. It is not "laziness." It is a state of being perpetually overwhelmed by a world of invisible work.